My Story By: Taris Kendricks
I felt like no one listened to me.
I felt like no cared about anything I had to say.
My feelings, my opinions, my great ideas.
I couldn’t open up.
When I did, people still didn’t give a damn
I let the enemy get to me and I was trapped in a box all by my self.
I made the choice to listen to the enemy and went straight into isolation.
I kept going into that little box with all these thoughts in my mind.
Nobody wants me.
Nobody likes me.
Nobody would marry someone like me.
So I started fucking around and having a fucked up attitude.
That I somewhat still have now.
I hate these feelings the enemy keep trying to confuse me with.
It’s tares me apart.
I felt like this in Grammer school, high school..
Damn…. I even felt like this in college.
Sitting by myself at lunch tables like I have no friends.
I even felt like this with family.
Hopping from house to house.
Separating myself from people who claim they “love me and support me”.
Damn, friends and ex’s did that to.
I couldn’t take this shit I was feeling.
Some nights I would cry until I fell asleep.
Getting kicked out of other people houses because I wasn’t listening.
I mean damn, the enemy was really getting in my head.
Drinking, smoking, fucking.
Yeah, that worldly shit.
I was almost homeless with the rate I was going.
Swolling pills at night.
I still woke up in the morning.
Them pills ain’t do shit but, give me a headache.
Starving myself to the point it look like I was doing crack.
I was messed up.
I’m not even finished with my story yet.
I regret everyday not passing away.
Old friends telling me no don’t that.
You’re selfish, not thinking of all the people around you.
Hell, I was being treated wrong too.
By ex’s and friends.
If only man, people got to see the real true person I am instead of the person they want me to be.
I’m down to Earth and a True Woman of God.
That I now see.
I’m not like every one else.
I notice everything that goes on around me.
I’m not as slow and dumb as people think I am.
I’m smart as hell.
Smarter than a fifth grader I must say.
This is why I write poetry, to express myself.
People only want me to express myself in the way they want me to.
I can’t do that anymore.
I still feel these ways and while feeling these ways it leads me to depression and suicidal thoughts.
I’ve gotten better and learned that suicide is a sin.
I can’t go back to that.
That’s why I have God now.
That’s all I need.
He blessed me with a gift.
Which is poetry.
Poetry is a whole nother story.
I’m glad I took this route.
I might hit some dead ends.
But, I still pick up my pen.
Poetry is my life.
Poetry is my expression.