These feelings keep racing through my body,
as my skin starts to turn red.
My skin starts to get hot.
It’s a feeling of rush.
Tears feel like they are about to come out.
As I hold back those tears to hide the pain,
that type of pain when I get treated like a sex tool,
and no one knows about this but me.
I am scared that people might call me a hoe,
not because of who I slept with but,
how many times I slept with that one person.
Every time he was  in my presence,
belts start to come off.
zippers start coming down,
shirts get thrown to the other side of the bed.
And….
The more we do it, it is not even sex anymore.
It is something that we were already used to.
The feelings I had for him was unreal,
I can not even explain.
I knew he was using me and I kept letting him.
And…
The only reason why I am thick,
is because when I slept with him,
he hit about five or six times.
After a while,
it did not feel right.
When I kissed him, it was not
even real as it was the first time.
He said he was only mines and he loved me.
Knowing me, I believed and felt like a fool.
It was lust not love.
I had strong feelings for him and he hurt me to my soul.
He was talking to other females and I was thinking that I was the only one.
I was not.
This is why I crawled back into my shell because,
once I get too comfortable it just might happen again and again.
He keeps saying he misses me and I know he does not miss me.
He misses the pussy that I kept giving him.
What we had, was not even love but, for some reason,
I held on to that pain.
And yet,
I still search for love with my broken heart that is hidden.
Hidden like stones.
And I have to keep hiding my tears and act overly happy.
This pain is still here because he keeps trying to come back for more.
I would not let him because
I know I deserve better.

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2 thoughts on “Knowing My Worth

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